Today I went back to KUMed for a follow up urine test and an ultrasound of my kidneys and bladder. I thought it would be a formality. My back pain (which the doc doesn’t think was kidney related, but I’m skeptical still) is gone. I haven’t noticed anything wonky with my peeing lately. I thought I’d go pee a perfect test, they’d look at the ultrasound, and I’d be in the clear.
Well, it didn’t go quite that smoothly.
My urine test is still showing blood in it. There’s no explanation for it. The ultrasound appears to be unremarkable. I still don’t have the “official” word on that, but the technician said I had, “a really boring bladder and kidneys.” That’s what we want. Enough of being fascinating. We’re aiming for boring here!
But, there’s still no explanation for the blood. The doctor rattled off a number of other tests they could try next. They didn’t sound fun, and just what I need – another day off of work. Just great!
She also mentioned my blood pressure which has been creeping up lately. I don’t know what to think of that. The thing is it’s always at its highest when I’m at the doctor. I bought a blood pressure meter for home to track it, and it’s not that high when I’m at home. At NIH they test it every four hours, and it sort of hops up and down all week depending on what they’re doing to me, or which test results I’m waiting for.
I attribute part of it to the hassle I go through just to get to a doctor’s appointment. It’s not like I drive in my nice warm car to the parking garage and then casually walk across the street to my appointment. Nope. For me it’s either a bus saga switching buses and praying that one isn’t running a tad early as the other runs late so that I miss the connection. Or, I can go with the cab company. Even with a time call I’ve got to allow about two hours of flex time to ensure that I get there – and there’s always a trauma of some sort along the way. Either it’s a cab driver trying to jip me, or dropping me off in the wrong place or running late or something. By the time I arrive, I’ve usually had a mini workout trekking across the KUMed campus and my blood pressure is elevated partly because someone has gotten on my bad side along the way.
I’m not opposed to taking meds for it.
But, I do have a sense of failure about it. I know that if I could just lose some weight it would be better. And yet, I can’t seem to do it. I’m so sick of having shrimpy little doctors try to tactfully tell me I’m fat. I know I’m fat. I know what health problems go along with being fat. I know, in the back of my mind, that developing these problems could one day cost me participation in some future trial, or even a shot at a lung transplant, heaven forbid I need it. I get it. I’m fully aware of how serious the problem is.
Do they honestly think that as a 33-year-old single woman society hasn’t already conveyed this message to me constantly? I’m also sick of being told to watch what I eat. I’m not a moron. If I can start to make sense of T2 cells and cytokines, why on earth do they assume I don’t get the simple concept of calories in vs. calories burned?
It’s frustrating to do what you’re supposed to do and never see any results. It’s hard not to get completely discouraged and want to just sit down and cry. It takes a lot of work and when all you’re ever met with is more reticule it’s so demoralizing.
There are other obstacles that make it harder too – and I don’t mean them to be excuses. When I bring them up I’m honestly looking for a little help, but no one seems to offer any viable solutions.
And then there’s just the reality of my life. I work a full time job that frequently requires work in the evenings, weekends etc. I freelance on the side because I don’t make enough. And I’m trying to do all the HPS stuff too. It’s not like my schedule is always my own. Sometimes there are times I don’t go to the gym when I should because I’m dead tired, and because when I go to the gym I come home completely drained and I need to be able to function through the evening to get things done. I’m alone, and everything is up to me. There’s no one to help.
I know which foods are the best to eat, but often they cause me to get the runs really bad, so I’ve got to watch my intake of things like fruits and veggies. If I were home all day, I could go to the bathroom constantly, probably lose a lot of weight that way, and if I had an ostomy leak I could just deal with it. But, I’m at work paying for that health insurance, and I can’t be going to the bathroom eight times a day and running home every other day to deal with an ostomy disaster. These are real problems. I’m doing my best. But, I’m failing.
So, tonight I’m feeling a bit blue and truly frustrated.
And my feature for work isn’t going well so I expect to catch hell in the morning about that too.
Well, it didn’t go quite that smoothly.
My urine test is still showing blood in it. There’s no explanation for it. The ultrasound appears to be unremarkable. I still don’t have the “official” word on that, but the technician said I had, “a really boring bladder and kidneys.” That’s what we want. Enough of being fascinating. We’re aiming for boring here!
But, there’s still no explanation for the blood. The doctor rattled off a number of other tests they could try next. They didn’t sound fun, and just what I need – another day off of work. Just great!
She also mentioned my blood pressure which has been creeping up lately. I don’t know what to think of that. The thing is it’s always at its highest when I’m at the doctor. I bought a blood pressure meter for home to track it, and it’s not that high when I’m at home. At NIH they test it every four hours, and it sort of hops up and down all week depending on what they’re doing to me, or which test results I’m waiting for.
I attribute part of it to the hassle I go through just to get to a doctor’s appointment. It’s not like I drive in my nice warm car to the parking garage and then casually walk across the street to my appointment. Nope. For me it’s either a bus saga switching buses and praying that one isn’t running a tad early as the other runs late so that I miss the connection. Or, I can go with the cab company. Even with a time call I’ve got to allow about two hours of flex time to ensure that I get there – and there’s always a trauma of some sort along the way. Either it’s a cab driver trying to jip me, or dropping me off in the wrong place or running late or something. By the time I arrive, I’ve usually had a mini workout trekking across the KUMed campus and my blood pressure is elevated partly because someone has gotten on my bad side along the way.
I’m not opposed to taking meds for it.
But, I do have a sense of failure about it. I know that if I could just lose some weight it would be better. And yet, I can’t seem to do it. I’m so sick of having shrimpy little doctors try to tactfully tell me I’m fat. I know I’m fat. I know what health problems go along with being fat. I know, in the back of my mind, that developing these problems could one day cost me participation in some future trial, or even a shot at a lung transplant, heaven forbid I need it. I get it. I’m fully aware of how serious the problem is.
Do they honestly think that as a 33-year-old single woman society hasn’t already conveyed this message to me constantly? I’m also sick of being told to watch what I eat. I’m not a moron. If I can start to make sense of T2 cells and cytokines, why on earth do they assume I don’t get the simple concept of calories in vs. calories burned?
It’s frustrating to do what you’re supposed to do and never see any results. It’s hard not to get completely discouraged and want to just sit down and cry. It takes a lot of work and when all you’re ever met with is more reticule it’s so demoralizing.
There are other obstacles that make it harder too – and I don’t mean them to be excuses. When I bring them up I’m honestly looking for a little help, but no one seems to offer any viable solutions.
And then there’s just the reality of my life. I work a full time job that frequently requires work in the evenings, weekends etc. I freelance on the side because I don’t make enough. And I’m trying to do all the HPS stuff too. It’s not like my schedule is always my own. Sometimes there are times I don’t go to the gym when I should because I’m dead tired, and because when I go to the gym I come home completely drained and I need to be able to function through the evening to get things done. I’m alone, and everything is up to me. There’s no one to help.
I know which foods are the best to eat, but often they cause me to get the runs really bad, so I’ve got to watch my intake of things like fruits and veggies. If I were home all day, I could go to the bathroom constantly, probably lose a lot of weight that way, and if I had an ostomy leak I could just deal with it. But, I’m at work paying for that health insurance, and I can’t be going to the bathroom eight times a day and running home every other day to deal with an ostomy disaster. These are real problems. I’m doing my best. But, I’m failing.
So, tonight I’m feeling a bit blue and truly frustrated.
And my feature for work isn’t going well so I expect to catch hell in the morning about that too.
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