My transplant hospital - Inova Fairfax
So,
this post is a month in the making! After getting rid of half of my belongings,
relocating to Arlington, VA, lots and lots of fundraising by treasured friends
and supporters, and a year of tests, more tests, some tests, dieting, more
dieting, a hospitalization and a big dental saga – I am FINALLY listed for a
double lung transplant.
Some
of the people I know who are going through the same process get kind of blue
when they are listed. It is the last resort thing to do, and it’s super scary.
For me, however, I felt like having a party! I celebrated with friends from
Kansas that were visiting and I ate a hamburger. I was craving a totally
unhealthy kind of hamburger and fries. I don’t think lung transplant is easy
for anyone, and there are certainly other people (some in my pulmonary rehab
group) who have issues just as rare – but I was never able to assume I’d get
listed, even if I did everything right.
The
anxiety I’ve lived with for the past few years was huge. After getting listed,
it is as if all this tension left my body. I actually was using less oxygen for
a few days, although that didn’t last. I felt so tired, and even sore from
releasing all this tension. My concentration became worse than usual – and lately
it hasn’t been good. You might say I was giddy.
I
know a transplant isn’t a cure, and isn’t a sure thing. Too many of my close
friends have passed away waiting, so I truly understand that, but at least for
now, I’ve truly done everything I can do. Now, I just have to keep exercising
as much as possible and eating healthy and avoiding germs. Besides that, it is just
waiting. It might be another day, or another month, or another year. There is
no way to know. Every time the phone rings, my stomach drops a little, even
though my current lung allocation score is pretty low and the chances I’ll get
a call are pretty slim just now.
As
the holiday season went on, I couldn’t help but think that if I am going to
live, there is another person out there, another family, for whom this past
holiday season might be the last one. They likely have no idea something
terrible will happen to them. It is also a little incredible to think that if I
am going to live, these new lungs grew up somewhere else. They have a different
family, different friends, different experiences that matter. So while I felt
giddy to be given a chance, there is another side to this that is so sad. I
have no idea where my lungs will come from, or who will make the decision that
will give me a chance to live – and for their lungs to continue to live inside
me. But while I have no idea who they are, or where they are from, or anything
about them – I think of them every day.
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