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Cranky

A friend told me today that depression can make you cranky – boy does that explain a lot. I can usually be hugely patient with people, but right now I feel like I want to bite someone’s head off for the smallest things. You’d think I was on Prednisone, although I’m not. I’m just, well use a polite word instead of the one that comes to mind first that starts with a “b” – cranky.

I feel all out of whack. Last night, although I was exhausted and sleepy, I couldn’t sleep. I know I didn’t drift off until sometime after 3:00 am. My mind was like a radio that changed stations every few minutes and was lacking an off switch. It just wouldn’t settle.

So, of course I felt crappy this morning. I’m trying to work out all this stuff right now and it’s hard when you’re working in a cube farm.

So, since they told me I could work from home (although I’ve received no specific instructions on that yet), I took them up on it today so I could make some calls. Now, I’m going to be working all night to make up for the time I spent today trying to sort out my life – and I made absolutely no progress so it was a total waste of my time.

I left another message for the social worker, but haven’t heard anything back. Typically, when I’m at a clinic or some other health care situation and things are moving slowly, I don’t get irritated. The way I see it, if everyone is so busy it’s because there’s someone there sicker than I am – and thank God I’m not sick enough to be demanding all the extra time and attention. Rather than get upset, I count my blessings that my problem isn’t the priority.

I am very much wishing to just touch base though. I’m not sure if the right hand is connecting with the left hand, and if they aren’t, then I need to make some other calls. I feel like I’m running against a clock and no one is getting it – the clock is running down regardless of what anyone does or doesn’t do – so if they’re going to do anything to help me, they need to do it NOW.

So, making no progress on that front, I used the time today to call the new insurance company. Every insurance company has their own set of ground rules and it takes time to figure out exactly what the rules of the game are, which hoops need to be jumped through, and what you can and cannot do.

I desperately need ostomy supplies. All of these “code browns” (two on Sunday) are making me go through ostomy supplies like water. Our last insurance only covered 20 percent. That always seemed weird – 20 percent? Why bother?

The summary info I got from the current insurer said that medical supplies were covered 100 percent. Yippee!!!!! Or, so I thought. We get these summary charts from HR. I have yet to get an inclusive book from the company or the insurer. Either the lady at the insurance company didn’t know what she was talking about (which is a huge possibility) or HR made an error.

The lady told me supplies were covered 100 percent after a $25 co-pay per item (not per order). So, a box of pouches (that lasts about two weeks) $25. A box of seals - $25. The stuff I’m using to treat the skin sores that keep coming up - $25. Stoma adhesive paste - $25. It’s better than nothing, (if I had to pay the whole thing these supplies add up to several hundred dollars a month) but it’s on top of $40 co-pays for prescription meds etc.

As if that wasn’t enough to completely frustrate me for the day, the insurance company (the ones who will refuse to pay if I don’t jump through these hoops correctly) couldn’t refer me to a company from whom I’m permitted to order these supplies, or my CPAP supplies. How crazy is that? It isn’t as if ostomy or CPAP supplies are that rare!

They sent me a list of 20 medical supply companies in my area that I’m allowed to work with – but of course they couldn’t tell me what sort of medical supplies these companies provided. So, I had to call each one, one by one, myself, during my work day (you know, the job I’m already in trouble with for being distracted) to ask if they handled either of these things. Not one company could help me.

I had asked the company for a national mail-order company – but they couldn’t look up a company by type of medical supply – only by geographic region. I want mail order. If I have to take a cab to get these supplies, I might as well pay for them myself and order them from the one pharmacy in the area that delivers. (But they don’t deliver drugs for those that will suggest I do that rather than walk a mile to my CVS.)

How many more hours of my work day am I going to have to spend solving this problem?

And, I’m going to have to order supplies tomorrow either way – I can’t wait anymore. I’ll just have to pay for them out of pocket.

Someone pass the cheese, I’m full of whining right now.

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