Thursday, July 17, 2008

Back to being drunk tired

This week has been a tough one from the fatigue point of view. I’ve been taking my daytime medicine and trying to use the CPAP at night, but I find myself waking up six to seven times a night needing to go to the bathroom for varying reasons. Or, I’ll wake up because a neighbor has turned their car on in the parking lot and shined their bights in my window – or the neighbor’s gaggle of dogs is out again barking and howling. Usually I can sleep through these things so I must not be getting any deep sleep.

My joints have also been more achy than normal this week, and I don’t know why. My GI is fine (except for some extra gas that gets me up at night). I don’t know what that’s about, but my fingers and wrists have been especially bothersome – a crisis for a net addict like myself. I haven’t been online as much partly because mom is here, but partly because typing hurts.

Mom thinks my fatigue is because I go to bed too late. What she doesn’t understand, being the bright-eyed morning person that she is, is that if I go to bed at 11:00 pm and get up at 7:00 am, I should have had eight hours of sleep. That isn’t the problem. It’s all this waking up in the night that’s the problem.

Mom and I have had a really great visit so far. No arguing etc. although last night we came close. I was taking my nightly meds, and there are a lot of them, and my mom asked if my different doctors were all aware of all the medications I was on. She meant the question out of concern, but in my brain my response was – what do you think I’m an idiot? Do you think I don’t understand the concept of drug interactions? Or do you think I’m intentionally drug seeking? For peat sakes – of course they all know. And if there’s any doubt just look at my records. I carry the entire pharmacy with me to each and every medical appointment just to be sure that everyone has an accurate list with dosages. I’m not hiding anything from any of my doctors. The comment was probably purely innocent, but it bugged me.

It ringed of the attitude that has been the heart of a lot of discord between us – that somehow this isn’t as serious as I make it out to be, that somehow I’m just being “dramatic.” It’s an assertion I highly resent. I may be doing fine. I’m even doing much better than expected – but I have a number of friends who haven’t done as well. Because of that, I do have a tendency to instantly get irritated at innocent comments. I’ve been discounted so many times that I’m instantly defensive.

1 comment:

Kathryn said...

Heather, I've struggled with the sore joints before. Might be an electrolyte imbalance or is that time of the month (near it or after it)? Just some ideas, but I'm sure you have checked into everything. You are good at research and trying to know everything about your health from every possible angle. By the way, I appreciate your openness and I'm glad the visit with your Mom has gone well thus far.