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Great expectations

Do you ever wonder why you are where you are today? How did you end up in your chosen field? What attracted you to it in the first place, and would you have made a different choice under different circumstances?

Recently my friend Tina was a kind of mentor/camp counselor at a special summer “camp” for blind and visually impaired kids interested in science, engineering or mathematics careers. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall during the week of exploration into all sorts of things such as astronomy, chemistry and biology.

The idea of going to “science camp” would have never caught my interest back in my school days. I would have avoided it like the plague. Today I find myself wishing I had a stronger foundation in these areas – thanks in no small part to this HPS mystery brewing inside me. I guess I fit my chosen profession, journalism, in one respect – it drives me nuts to have a question, and not be able to find the answer.

After returning from NIH I was chatting with my mom on the phone. I was telling her about our little field trip to the lab, and seeing the cells in the microscope (actually on the computer monitor.) We got to talking about my interests as a kid, and how ironic it is that now I have some interest in these topics.

Sometimes when my mom and I talk about my childhood and education, my mom can get defensive. As an adult, I’ve made decisions that were contrary to what the “experts” told her she should do for me growing up – things like using a cane or trying to learn Braille. I think perhaps she thinks that I think she made “mistakes” in those areas. I think nothing of the sort. My mom did the best she could. She was a bulldog of an advocate for Ryan and I growing up, and she followed the conventional wisdom of the time. She did the best she could, and she must have done an okay job. After all, I’m independent and gainfully employed today. Even today there’s no consensus or clear direction on some of these issues.

So it was refreshing to have a conversation about this aspect of my education free from any tension. My mom said that it had never occurred to her or my dad to try to encourage me in these areas of study because they didn’t seem like a good career fit for a legally blind person. I always felt I simply had a lack of aptitude in these areas, and that my parents knew that.

I’m not saying that indeed, I’m a bit lacking in talent for these areas, but now, because of my newfound interest, I wonder if I was more lacking in encouragement and nurturing in these areas rather than just being really bad at them.

I always struggled with math. I can’t even tell you how many teary evenings were spent around our dining room table at homework time when I was in high school. The frustrating part was I usually got the concept, and yet would constantly make some small error along the way – like copying numbers incorrectly, that would trip me up and leave me frustrated.

As a junior in high school I was taking algebra/trigonometry and spending hours upon hours every night struggling. It was affecting my overall emotional state. I was so discouraged and frustrated and felt so stupid. I remember a meeting was convened to evaluate whether I should remain in the class. As miserable as I was, it annoyed me that the offered solution wasn’t more help; it was to simply drop the class. I stayed in, and got a “B” in the end.

Biology, however, was something I was actually pretty good at, although I lacked any real interest. I remember after one particular exam the teacher essentially chewed out the class for turning in such a lousy performance. She told them that if I, a legally blind student, could ace this test the rest of them should be able to do the same. I was mortified. What was she trying to do? Ensure I was a social pariah for the rest of my high school career??? And what was this statement supposed to mean “if even Heather could ace the test…” Why wouldn’t I be able to ace the test? What did that say about her standards or expectations for me?

Sometimes I read the parent boards on the NOAH site, or the comments of new parents on the albinism international list, and I wish I had the time and resources to spend more time offering a few words of wisdom.

New parents of children with albinism, understandably, are often quite pre-occupied with how well, or poorly, their child sees. So often the words of support in return point out the great variability in vision among people with albinism and stories are shared about older children whose vision didn’t turn out to be that bad. That is great, but as someone on the lower end of the albinism vision spectrum, I can’t help but want to give a little different answer (although I simply can’t always respond.)

My answer would be more like this. The vision of children with albinism varies greatly. Do what you can to stimulate visual development and make the most of what God has given – but please, please know that no matter what a child’s vision ends up being, their future is bright. In the end the amount of vision isn’t the determining factor in how complete and normal a child’s life turns out to be. It only impacts the tools a child needs to get there.

What determines how complete and normal a child’s life turns out to be more often comes down to the expectations set and the attitude embraced by the family. Just take a look around the blindness community at all the accomplished blind adults I never knew as a child – the chemists, biologists, mathematicians, lawyers, politicians etc. Don’t let your child’s future be limited by your own hang ups about vision, or driving, or what you think a visually impaired/blind person can do. Set the bar higher than that and reach for the stars.

In the end, I became a journalist. To be honest, it was a career choice that didn’t go over well with a lot of people. To them, it made about as much sense as being a blind biologist or any of the other things I wasn’t supposed to be able to do.

I don’t know why it was so easy for me to envision this career path, and not others that were supposed to be out of my reach. I don’t know why I was able to step out on a limb for journalism and not something else. And now, with 10 years of experience under my belt, I’m considering other career paths. In the end maybe it doesn’t matter. This was God’s plan, and my journalism-related skills have proved useful in ways I could have never imagined.

So, now in midlife, I’m facing a whole different set of challenges and looking for ways to not be limited by them. But that’s another blog entry.

BTW – if you’re looking for resources for blind and visually impaired kids interested in math and science, or you’re an adult trying to figure out how to adapt lesson plans etc. check out:
http://www.blindscience.org/ncbys/Default.asp

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