We interrupt this blog to briefly record a few medical details so I don’t leave them out of my drug trial journal. Frankly, I haven’t felt great since last Tuesday night.
Last Tuesday night I had the runs pretty bad and out of no where. When you have an ostomy, this is a bit of a problem. Let’s just say the container is only so big – and if the river keeps on flowing, sort of speak, pretty soon the result is a very nasty explosion. So, I was up all night going to the bathroom about every 45 minutes.
By the time morning arrived I still hadn’t been to sleep. I was exhausted and feeling pretty dehydrated. I called into work to let them know I wouldn’t be in – a real problem since as usual we’re behind schedule and understaffed.
I felt better by the evening, but then it was as if all the emotion of the previous week with the passing of Elizaira hit me all at once. All I wanted to do was hide under my quilt and pretend the entire world didn’t exist. I don’t normally get like this, but sometimes you just can’t help it. Life got the better of me for a few hours.
I didn’t feel great the next morning. The runs were better, but my joints have hurt every day and every night since. Not horrible pain mind you, but worse than usual and generally annoying. I’ve also had some sores in my mouth suddenly. And, of course, fatigue. To me, that’s more frustrating than all the rest of it. There is so much to do, and I can’t seem to get enough sleep. I HATE that!
Sunday the ulcer by my stoma that was completely healed re-appeared and started bleeding. It didn’t bleed badly, but just enough that I had to change ostomy pouches several times. Between that and feeling so generally groggy, I spent most of the day in bed.
Today I was at work, but going to the restroom about every hour and feeling overwhelmingly tired.
I don’t know what to do about work anymore.
Part of me feels I should say something when I’m having troubles so that people don’t think I’m not at my desk because I’m off chatting somewhere. Or, so that if they see me put my head down for a few minutes, they understand why. On the other hand, this seems to happen so often (and shows no sign of ever improving) that I feel as though there’s no point. Civilians get weary of it and I’m perhaps better served to just suffer though.
Still, when I’m trying my very best to even be sitting in my chair and concentrating, it’s a bit frustrating to have someone questioning you about expectations that would be unreasonable under the most ideal of circumstances.
I feel overwhelmed. I can’t do it all. My workload grows with every issue, but my salary never changes. If anything it shrinks. Throw in HPS responsibilities and just plain real life, and there just isn’t enough of me to go around.
Last Tuesday night I had the runs pretty bad and out of no where. When you have an ostomy, this is a bit of a problem. Let’s just say the container is only so big – and if the river keeps on flowing, sort of speak, pretty soon the result is a very nasty explosion. So, I was up all night going to the bathroom about every 45 minutes.
By the time morning arrived I still hadn’t been to sleep. I was exhausted and feeling pretty dehydrated. I called into work to let them know I wouldn’t be in – a real problem since as usual we’re behind schedule and understaffed.
I felt better by the evening, but then it was as if all the emotion of the previous week with the passing of Elizaira hit me all at once. All I wanted to do was hide under my quilt and pretend the entire world didn’t exist. I don’t normally get like this, but sometimes you just can’t help it. Life got the better of me for a few hours.
I didn’t feel great the next morning. The runs were better, but my joints have hurt every day and every night since. Not horrible pain mind you, but worse than usual and generally annoying. I’ve also had some sores in my mouth suddenly. And, of course, fatigue. To me, that’s more frustrating than all the rest of it. There is so much to do, and I can’t seem to get enough sleep. I HATE that!
Sunday the ulcer by my stoma that was completely healed re-appeared and started bleeding. It didn’t bleed badly, but just enough that I had to change ostomy pouches several times. Between that and feeling so generally groggy, I spent most of the day in bed.
Today I was at work, but going to the restroom about every hour and feeling overwhelmingly tired.
I don’t know what to do about work anymore.
Part of me feels I should say something when I’m having troubles so that people don’t think I’m not at my desk because I’m off chatting somewhere. Or, so that if they see me put my head down for a few minutes, they understand why. On the other hand, this seems to happen so often (and shows no sign of ever improving) that I feel as though there’s no point. Civilians get weary of it and I’m perhaps better served to just suffer though.
Still, when I’m trying my very best to even be sitting in my chair and concentrating, it’s a bit frustrating to have someone questioning you about expectations that would be unreasonable under the most ideal of circumstances.
I feel overwhelmed. I can’t do it all. My workload grows with every issue, but my salary never changes. If anything it shrinks. Throw in HPS responsibilities and just plain real life, and there just isn’t enough of me to go around.
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