Today was not one of my better days. By 1:30 pm I’d been to the bathroom with the runs nine times since arriving at work. When I have days like this the health issues are bad enough, but the stress worrying about what will happen next is almost as bad. Most of the time my GI days are not this bad. But the past few days haven’t been great. My joints have been acting up. I didn’t take the Lomodil this morning because last night I was kind of stopped up – and what happens – but I spend my day in the bathroom. I felt tired. My concentration was horrible. My nystagmus gets worse when I’m really tired. I haven’t slept well in several nights.
I could feel my ostomy itching, which is usually the sure sign of a pending leak, so then I was feeling anxious about having this diarrhea running all over the place at work.
Finally my boss sent me an e-mail wanting to know what was up because I seemed really off my game. No kidding! I felt horrible. I get so worried about my job because of the implications for my health insurance. So, on days when I know I’m not doing a good job, I feel so anxious on top of everything – and that can’t be helping the diarrhea.
When I read the e-mail I just wanted to burst into tears. She was right, and it was fair – but I just felt so frustrated. I came to work to try to keep everything on schedule and instead I was just creating more problems. I can't win for losing.
Last night I had dinner with our editorial assistant that just quit. She just graduated from school and found a full-time job. From some of the conversation about other jobs she’d applied for, I got a pretty good educated guess what the going rate for someone just out of school is in this town. I knew I wasn’t being paid enough, but if that’s the going rate for someone with 10 years less experience, I’m being taken advantage of.
Yet, if I have a lot of days like today, it isn’t exactly the performance you want to take to your boss when demanding a raise. On the flip side, days like today make me very leery about applying elsewhere – at least she knew this was not my normal work product. If I was new, they’d be wondering what they hired.
I came home and slept for several hours, but it wasn’t a deep sleep. It was more of a tossing and turning sleep. And now, I just feel yucky.
As Sheena would say, does anyone have any cheese to go with my whine?
I could feel my ostomy itching, which is usually the sure sign of a pending leak, so then I was feeling anxious about having this diarrhea running all over the place at work.
Finally my boss sent me an e-mail wanting to know what was up because I seemed really off my game. No kidding! I felt horrible. I get so worried about my job because of the implications for my health insurance. So, on days when I know I’m not doing a good job, I feel so anxious on top of everything – and that can’t be helping the diarrhea.
When I read the e-mail I just wanted to burst into tears. She was right, and it was fair – but I just felt so frustrated. I came to work to try to keep everything on schedule and instead I was just creating more problems. I can't win for losing.
Last night I had dinner with our editorial assistant that just quit. She just graduated from school and found a full-time job. From some of the conversation about other jobs she’d applied for, I got a pretty good educated guess what the going rate for someone just out of school is in this town. I knew I wasn’t being paid enough, but if that’s the going rate for someone with 10 years less experience, I’m being taken advantage of.
Yet, if I have a lot of days like today, it isn’t exactly the performance you want to take to your boss when demanding a raise. On the flip side, days like today make me very leery about applying elsewhere – at least she knew this was not my normal work product. If I was new, they’d be wondering what they hired.
I came home and slept for several hours, but it wasn’t a deep sleep. It was more of a tossing and turning sleep. And now, I just feel yucky.
As Sheena would say, does anyone have any cheese to go with my whine?
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